Sorry for the lack of updates,  I took a break for the holidays folks. (Happy New Year) here are some films I could have done without trying to watch, and couldn’t quite finish (life is too short)

A snake of June.

I have tried for a long time and been as charitable as possible, but there are still a couple of things I can’t get over, one of them is shooting a movie on videotape and somehow managing to make the audience wish you hadn’t in nearly every scene. This particular movie went as far as to run the whole print through some kind of a blue filter (kind of like black and white, only blue and white) to try to make it more “artsy”.

I don’t know if was an effort to distract from the fact that poor quality lighting and camerawork, or to draw attention away form what seemed o me to be a very shallow narrative that focused on immaturity and wanna-be alpha male insecurity that drives Japanese men to humiliate women in not-so creative and totally unoriginal ways.

Got through about half of it, but in the end the film was just too ugly for me.

Mail Order Bride

A mockumentary about an ugly American couch potato who orders a wife from Burma. There are plenty of things to laugh about for most people, but I have spent a lot of time in third world countries and have seen first hand how women from desperate cultures get exploited by disgusting slobs and its just not funny to me. Not even a little bit. Sorry. If you are not handicapped by having experienced what the real world is like outside the USA you might be able to enjoy this movie, I couldn’t.

Dirty Love

I didn’t get very far into this movie; Jenny McCarthy’s over-acting was so grating  I had to give up trying to get used to it after about 10 minutes. If you one of those people who love her enough you can listen to her idiotic monologues you may find some redeeming value in this movie, after all somebody had to stand behind the camera for most of the shots, probably. I think if it killed them or sent them on a psychotic killing spree we would have heard about it. Good luck.

Rachel’s Attic

Gothic Horror could be such a great genre if nearly every single title that it boasts didn’t completely suck. It’s got all the ingredients, sex, drugs, violence, rock n’ roll, creepy monsters and weird costumes, and that’s before the cameras even start rolling.

But I don’t know why so many newbie film makers decide to get their feet wet making these, well actually I have some theories. From what I know of Goths they are very dramatic and have to be putting on a show for someone nearly constantly. Maybe it’s not so much a problem of film-makers opting for gothic horror as a problem of goth-dweebs opting for film making. And somebody needs to let them all know that YOU MAKE FILMS WITH FILM, DAMMIT, (not your mommy’s cam-corder) especially if you’re going to try to pull off some soft, moody lighting, creepy shadows etc. even though you don’t have a clue how to do it.

I managed to get through about 15 minutes I think.

Two Fisted

I am not a wrestling fan, so if there are some WWF dudes in this movie I couldn’t really tell you, all it seemed like to me was a bunch of skinheads and possible Nazi’s beating each other up, after the first 10 minutes or so I started feeling that I had no business watching this movie at all so I decided I’d best leave it for the skinheads.

The Net 2.0

This film is really boring. Making a movie and calling it “The Net 2.0” is kind of low in the first place, in my opinion because it is such an obvious and underhanded attempt to ride on the (moderate) success of “The Net” with Sandra Bullock from way back when, when this movie has nothing really to do with it at all. Acting and everything else were so bad I think I lasted all of 20 minutes before I decided to find a more productive use of my time.